Starting this blog has reminded me of all the love that surrounds me and I am ever grateful! You guys have shown up and out and I really did shed some thug tears. Also thankful for you guys during this period of social isolation. Ones I can call and talk to for hours, have virtual parties with, share memes, and share similar frustrations. Even the friends that I don’t speak to on a daily basis, we can pick up like weeks or months never were between us. Love y’all!

However, those previous paragraphs are just the tip of this friendship iceberg. I’m diving into the ones that do us no good. Those friendships that we have to work extremely hard to maintain. Those friendships that hurt us more that heal. Those friendship we run back to time and time again hoping that our homegirl or homeboy has ditched their draining habits. Those friendships where we can smell their jealousy stronger than the love. Yea..those friendships that we know aren’t really friendships but we don’t know how to end them. Did this paragraph just touch a nerve?! Yeaaa..grab some wine boo.

I can strongly admit that I’ve been a less than friend before. Who hasn’t?These are skills you have to learn and experiment with. Most of my high school friendships didn’t withhold their weight due to a plethora of childish behavior that I wish I could have saved before it got to those points. However, it’s no bad blood. We just love each other from afar. We’re cordial and even catch up from time to time. 

Anyways, there’s something deeper about mature friendships failing or being toxic. At this age, it’s pretty mind boggling that close friends would act in ways to hurt you or create a disconnect. Is it just me? You know those friends that you hold at an extreme high standard. Those friends that you don’t even describe as your friends but rather your family. My experience these past 3 years with toxic friendships has been the LAMEST! I’m one to overextend myself. Lending that helping hand always when most people don’t deserve the slightest. Maybe I have a touch of PTSD from my failed high school friendships. I want to maintain my loyalty, prove that I’m a great friend, and support my current rapports in anyway I can. Well truth be told, some friendships aren’t meant to last forever. Some friendships grant you with tremendous social experiences and memories you’ll never forget. This was a very hard concept for me to grasp once again. 

Here are a few characteristics of my previous friendships that have suffered:

• Obsessively needy
• Inattentive to needs other their own 
• Constant petty drama
• Liars 
• Jealousy
• Untrustworthy
• Insensitive to others’ feelings 
• No reciprocity

My latest friendship debacle was very emotionally draining. Constantly pouring emotional support into this person just for them to run back to very same thing that hurt them. I really only heard from them when they wanted a listening ear or a temporary fix of my optimism to feel good. Whenever, I needed them….it was crickets. Damn..Can I enjoy the happy side of you too? It got to the point where I dreaded answering the phone. I felt like a side chick in a relationship. I battled with myself for a long time thinking maybe I was not being very understanding of their personal situation. Maybe, I was demanding a little too much from them. Maybe, I was overreacting. After I set boundaries that I would no longer talk about the situation unless we were discussing a solution…the relationship suffered more. I mean.. what else could I have done?! Situations like these really wear empaths out! Right now, I granting that distance and space they probably just need to grow on their own to keep my own peace.

Just like toxic relationships with partners,  some of your friends now need boundaries or the boot. I won’t sit here and flex like I’m cutthroat to completely block a friend off. I’m a lover by nature and I give plentiful of chances. But, I can say I now know how to fall back. In event you ever need me, I’m there! My sanity comes first. What has been your latest troubles with a close friend? How did you handle it? Are you one of many chances? Talk to me!

Ending note! When outside opens again, here’s a few songs me and my friends are going to cut up to in da clubbbbb (currently learning the TikTok moves):

Nowwwww back to business! 

Who else is bae-less or apart from your significant other during this debacle with Ronisha (Coronavirus) ?! Well join the club with ya girl! Recently on IG live, Me and a few friends had a quick convo about dating and relationships. LISTEN…a nerve was struck!

But before I jump into my experiences of dating during my 20s ..let’s break down a few terms:

• Talking – liking each other; possibly texting and/or talking on the phone here and there. Not exclusive. 
• Dating – graduation from the “talking” phase. Seeing each other on a regular basis. Going on dates. More than likely exclusive based on agreement between both parties.
• Friend-Zoning – making someone who tries to pursue just a friend and nothing more.
• Situationship – both parties are in limbo of what’s really going on. Everything is in a grey area due to poor communication and lack of boundaries. One day you’re in a relationship and the next y’all just friends. 
• Relationship– you mine PERIOD. Ain’t nothing else to talk about! 
• Other Terms you need to know! (Click)

Did I nail it? Give me your opinion on these terms!

Anyways, I was with a long term partner throughout my undergraduate college career and into about 2 years afterward. Very much on and off. Fun and stressful times but it didn’t last. We both knew where it was headed. We just kept playing tug-of-war with something that should have ended years ago. Great friends but not great partners. I learned a lot from that relationship as to what I wanted and deserved from a partner. 

I’ve had my share of clowns throughout the time I’ve been single and dating. I must say dating is exhausting and refreshing at the same damn time! On one hand, you’re not constricted to talking to one person and you can literally chose who you want to hang out with from day to day. Then on the other hand, you’re dealing with multiple personalities, spreading your energy, and ultimately running tired! 

Talking, dating, or whatever is personally not the move for me long term. Anyone else love love like me? Yea..read that again! I’m a self-proclaimed hopeless romantic and I want to place my energy into a relationship. I don’t want to do multiple FaceTime calls with Bob, Joe, and John throughout the day. I don’t want to meet all y’all families. I don’t want to be stalking all y’all on social media LOLLLLLLL. 

The crazy thing with dudes my age nowadays are the constant games. Granted, I’m sure females are playing just the same about of games but right now the ROAST is for the guys . You want us to deal with the inconsistency, poor communication, lack of intimacy (who else knows the difference between intimacy & sex), lack of excitement, and just overall mediocre mess! Guys will literally “WYD” you to death and consider that “talking”. BOY leave me the hell alone and go play witcha mama!! If you are trying to court or date, where are the actual dates outside the crib? Where are the conversations about places we can travel together? Where are the random acts of service or gifts? WHERE IS THE RECIPROCITY?!! {* Fred’s Voice} Maybe, I was looking for something unrealistic because HONEYYYYYYYYYYY!! My encounters have been strictly with guys that just want sex, were liars (had whole wives or girlfriends…committed ones gon’ slide in the DMs PERIODT), boring, or just asswipes with no respect on how to treat a REAL woman. I got to the point where I almost went on a thottin’ spree because something serious was not in the line-up for me! 

To my folks that are not willing to commit right now..Let’s talk about how you are meeting people to talk to or casually date? Apps like Instagram, Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and Plenty of Fish allow us to virtually pick our next date or hook-up with a single swipe or private message. I love hearing stories from my friends that use these apps. You can either have the time of your life or wishing you never met that person. Always be safe outchea though! Google these people! About 90% of the guys I took interest in, I met in the club, through a mutual friend, or social media DMs. About 90% WERE CLOWNS TOO!

Bottom line, I feel it all boils down to intention. Are you honest with the other party when you enter a courtship? Do you lay your expectations ? Are you strict with your dealbreakers?  We all know that one person we talked to who said they wanted one thing and actions display another….

I know I have probably talked your head off by now! This topic is so broad and I really tried my damnedest to narrow it down. Maybe we can make this a series! Give me your thoughts! Tell me about some past dating fails and successes, how you keep your relationship healthy, casual dating, your journey to preparing yourself for love, etc. Holla at me!!

I know you might be thinking….Girl, move on! Yes, that’s exactly why I’m having these emotions. That was my very first key to independence. No more signing guests into my dorm room. No more annoying roommates I barely knew. No more of anything I was not comfortable with. Now I had big rent with bills. My line sisters and I have been in this place since December 2014!! The countless memories we’ve shared is priceless. Not being able to walk into one of their rooms and discuss our day or even sharing a meal is what I will miss the most. 

I remember the first semester we moved in. We hosted a party that turned into a total zoo! The police was called. Drunken college students were wall to wall. A fight broke out. Surely, we received an eviction notice that Monday..LMBOOOOOO. What the hell were we thinking?! Nothing a little crocodile tears and begging to the leasing manager couldn’t fix! 

This chapter signifies a new shift to the unknown. If you read my previous blog posts, you know that my plan for this year is to start travel nursing in the fall. My sisters and I did not renew our lease as we move on to our next phases. However, due to the Rona, I am not sure how travel nursing will look for me in future. *cues sad violent music*  We’ll get into this later..

The move was extremely emotional for me. I was not expecting to be so teary and moody. The last 5 days consisted of me packing for a few hours then naps in between. My body felt so heavy. I could not focus on one task at a time. Why didn’t anyone warn me?! Shoutout to Kenya & family, Kia, Fred, Stephanie, Dominique, Tai, Markee, Trey , and my mom for all chipping in and making this move as smooth as possible. This week, I took my last shower in my room while playing some Doja Cat, ate some wings, sipped a lil dranky drank, and packed up the remaining items.

For now, I’m enjoying the simpleness of my hometown, Vance.  Home of less than 400 people. No traffic lights. Empty roads. Nearest grocery store about 10 miles away. Home-cooked meals every other day. Being able to walk Zuri without fearing seeing the leasing manger. (Yea I was not paying that pet fee on the lease) Adjusting to my mom walking into my room without knocking like Im in high school again. Seeing my  nieces and other family more. Enjoying being able to take my older family members to their doctor’s appointments. Old people are literally the CUTEST! I do feel a piece of me needed to be back home before starting travel. To appreciate the small things ya know?!

Any of you had to move back home for a period of time or currently home? Share the tea! I’m sure we can relate! In the past week, my mom has requested I burn trash, paint, organize room closets, rearrange furniture, and anything her busy self can get into. She’s going to catch on to my “ I’ll do it tomorrow “ soon! HELP!! Anywho, I’m taking every day one step at a time. I am commuting to work and I honestly look forward every week to immersing myself in Charleston’s busyness. 

Leave a comment! Let’s Chat!! For all my subscribers, plz visit main site to see animations. They will show blank in sub emails. Love Y’all!!

Throughout my school years, I have been rather slim with little to no curves, breast, or hips. Yesss lil’ stringbean! (see below) School has always keep me at a certain weight due to lack of sleep, stress, and poor eating habits. I’m one of those people that can not eat when I’m stressed. Welllllllllllll….after graduating nursing school, ya girl was not stressing anymore over exams, deadlines, or lame group-projects. I have gained what some would call “grown-woman” weight. Honeyyyyyyyyy! Eating my heart desires while traveling with friends, exploring Charleston, and even burning a pot or two myself has been one of my fav predilections.

Y’all, these have been some trying times mentally. Some of my favorite articles of clothing had to be donated or sold. Remember my massive sale on IG last Fall? I even had to be fitted for new bras. Do you know how heart wrenching it is to jump to the moon to get in a pair of jeans that you could fit a few months ago? If not, just stop reading okay. JOKINGGG.

Let me tell you something, depending on my outfit and mood I can go from loving my D-cup breast and size 12 thighs or googling “average cost of Brazilian butt lift with liposuction”.  Even looking at throwback photos would send me on an emotional rollercoaster. In this particular photo shoot, I remember cringing when Tyler showed me the previews because I felt I looked so stuffed and gross. Deep down, I knew these thoughts were not healthy at all. Even now, it’s still slightly hard to even look at some of them or I begin to sulk on how I WANT my body to look.  The pressure of this era’s slim waist and big booty is draining!

At this point, you’re probably like well why don’t you just lose the weight? It’s a constant battle of starting and stopping. Hating my weight then going hard in the gym just to turn around & feel empowered and love my curves. I’ve done detoxes, cleanses, fasting, insanity exercising , or whatever the kids are doing nowadays! Then pick up some Popeyes when it’s all said and done 🥴🥴. GET ME!!! 

Today, I’m at a much better place than before. I’m still critical about certain things but not as critical as I was a few weeks ago. A work in progress! I’m learning that this frustration on how my body looks is rooted in the lack of self-love I had for myself. It’s crazy how we always hear that we need to love ourselves, but not taught on HOW to. I’m working on liberating myself by making more healthy decisions on what I consume, how I think, and what I say about myself. I am definitely not judgemental when it come to surgically altering the physical appearance. However, what’s the point if I’m still not loving and taking care of my body?

I’ve committed myself to working out 3x a week currently. I have no specific goal besides toning. Exercising uplifts me and makes me feel more in control. Shoutout to my virtual trainer, Karla, for motivating and kicking my butt with my workouts!

Whats your thoughts on body positivity? How do you currently about your self-image? Do you have any current body goals? Talk to me!

Sooooo can I be the first to say even as a nurse, I was taking this Corona Virus lightly between January til the beginning of March. Getting hearty belly laughs from these memes were really the only thing I was keeping up with. We (healthcare workers) come in contact with so many harmful bacteria & viruses daily so my immediate thought was: “oh we’ll just mask up like we do any other respiratory bug and we’ll be okay if it even comes over here”. Well it was all fun and games when America was far removed from the Wuhan virus. Then by mid-March the cases almost tripled here and our healthcare system found itself burden without the necessary materials to combat this pandemic. I was constantly receiving emails from my employer and seeing disheartening news of larger metropolitan areas tallying deaths left to right. My travel nurse subscription emails were even sending listings for COVID-19 needs. 

CORONA VIRUS! ITS GETTING REAL! *In my Cardi B voice* The mixture of social media and the government’s inability to even get a grip on this  pandemic is sooooo mentally exhausting but not surprising ! Mmmmm let’s see: Slavery, the Tuskegee Experiment, Henrietta Lacks, the Central Park 5, Katrina..you get my drift? OK THEN! Uncle Sam is like that family member who always shows up late to the family function with not enough of whatever they were supposed to bring so you still have to go to the store anyway. Then, even after barely contributing to the gathering they take home about 5 carry-out trays. Giving little but taking the most! We don’t have enough testing materials, hospitals are taking donations for supplies, and equipment once deemed as onetime usage only is being used for multiple days. Every week the Center for Disease and Control relaxes on it’s recommendations on protective gear for healthcare workers and still requires at-risk workers to continue to provide care. Wearing bandannas over our mouths is now appropriate. Never thought I would see this day honey. The Ghettoooooo!

One day we’re on instagram watching celebrities confirm they have tested positive in their penthouses looking absolutely normal, then the next we’re seeing Italy mourning over 600 lives a day. It’s becoming a battle of the “Haves and Haves-Nots” as my friend Freddy would say. There’s so many aspects to unpack from this pandemic. Common-folk aren’t allowed to get tested unless they have multiple symptoms and met all the requirements for a certain testing algorithm but a NBA basketball player can get tested merely from losing his sense of smell and taste. Honey the classism stinks! 

Although, I have not personally nursed a COVID-19 patient as of now I feel the burden. I hear and see my healthcare sisters and brothers on the frontlines reusing PPE (personal protective equipment) to their bare bones, risking their lives and families lives everyday, baring the anxiety of not knowing what’s next, and losing confidence in this bottom pit of a war. I find myself getting lost in articles of these courageous hero’s dying and I can’t help but wonder will I be next? I can say nursing has changed my life and I wouldn’t be half of the person I am today without embarking on this journey, but I am also terrified of what’s to come in my future.  I have no faith is this system, but in a higher power that we will be covered. 

This is the time where we have to save ourselves once again. Faith without work is dead. Can I get an Amen?! Flatten the curve. Excuse my language: SIT OUR ASSES DOWN & STAY IN DAMN THE HOUSE.

I want to shake a leg and scream “ayeeeeeee” with my friends all night long but for now I’ll settle for my camera roll of past encounters. Think about the people around you that immune systems can’t even handle a common cold. Use this time to reconnect and make informed decisions. Although, I am still heading to the hospital every week I am using my days off staying on top of my content, preparing for my move, checking in with loved ones,  some home workouts, building my immune, and finding joy in even the smallest moments. 

How do you feel about Miss Rona? What are you keeping busy with during this time? Talk to me! Below are some articles and sites I deem useful! Follow me on Instagram for more posts!

• Instagram

Corona tracker: https://infection2020.com

Building your immune system: http://sacredrootz.com

Congress Relief Bill: https://www.cnbc.com/2020/03/27/house-passes-2-trillion-coronavirus-stimulus-bill-sends-it-to-trump.html

Social Media has been a blessing and a curse during this process and I’m pretty sure many of you can relate. It can motivate or demotivate you towards your goals based on other individuals’ progress you see on these apps. Flip that hesitancy and use social media to your advantage by:

• reaching out to an expert in your desired field for advice
• researching different styles/concepts to achieve your goal
• polling your followers for advice and ideas
• following & engaging with accounts with similar interests

STARTING has been one of the best moves I could have done. Not thinking about what anyone else has to say has been more than rewarding! Like my shirt says, BOSS BLACK WOMAN! I had to pull up my big girl pants and do this for me! S/O to all my friends and family that have supported me to this point! From accompanying me to shoots in booty shivering weather to helping with decide on a font for the blog. Special Thanks to my photographer Tyler & graphic designer TaiWAgency ! My next major goal is embarking on travel nursing by the Fall! I started by not renewing my apartment lease and slowly moving my belongings into a storage unit at my mom’s . Things are getting REAL!! Also, pray for ya girl because I have not lived with my mom since 2012! Whewwww Chile, I can hear all the black mom quotes from middle school resurfacing.

What are some goals you have started for 2020? What are some goals you’ve been placing on the back-burner ? Talk to me below!!

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

Shirt: Ardhi Apparel Photos: Tyler Lyles