Hey gang! It’s a new month so out with the old and in with the new! Well….kinda sorta!
This week, I’m chatting it up about friendships…If you know me, you know I have plenty of friends and acquaintances. I have my childhood friends, my high school friends, college friends, army friends, work friends, & you kinda get my drift here. Basically every milestone of my life has lead to me getting to know multiple individuals on a personal level. I am very much so a social butterfly and exude that attitude on a day to day basis. My personal gatherings, such as birthdays, normally include me introducing a new member to my social circle lol…..
Starting this blog has reminded me of all the love that surrounds me and I am ever grateful! You guys have shown up and out and I really did shed some thug tears. Also thankful for you guys during this period of social isolation. Ones I can call and talk to for hours, have virtual parties with, share memes, and share similar frustrations. Even the friends that I don’t speak to on a daily basis, we can pick up like weeks or months never were between us. Love y’all!
However, those previous paragraphs are just the tip of this friendship iceberg. I’m diving into the ones that do us no good. Those friendships that we have to work extremely hard to maintain. Those friendships that hurt us more that heal. Those friendship we run back to time and time again hoping that our homegirl or homeboy has ditched their draining habits. Those friendships where we can smell their jealousy stronger than the love. Yea..those friendships that we know aren’t really friendships but we don’t know how to end them. Did this paragraph just touch a nerve?! Yeaaa..grab some wine boo.
I can strongly admit that I’ve been a less than friend before. Who hasn’t?These are skills you have to learn and experiment with. Most of my high school friendships didn’t withhold their weight due to a plethora of childish behavior that I wish I could have saved before it got to those points. However, it’s no bad blood. We just love each other from afar. We’re cordial and even catch up from time to time.
Anyways, there’s something deeper about mature friendships failing or being toxic. At this age, it’s pretty mind boggling that close friends would act in ways to hurt you or create a disconnect. Is it just me? You know those friends that you hold at an extreme high standard. Those friends that you don’t even describe as your friends but rather your family. My experience these past 3 years with toxic friendships has been the LAMEST! I’m one to overextend myself. Lending that helping hand always when most people don’t deserve the slightest. Maybe I have a touch of PTSD from my failed high school friendships. I want to maintain my loyalty, prove that I’m a great friend, and support my current rapports in anyway I can. Well truth be told, some friendships aren’t meant to last forever. Some friendships grant you with tremendous social experiences and memories you’ll never forget. This was a very hard concept for me to grasp once again.
Here are a few characteristics of my previous friendships that have suffered:
- Obsessively needy
- Inattentive to needs other their own
- Constant petty drama
- Insensitive to others’ feelings
- No reciprocity
My latest friendship debacle was very emotionally draining. Constantly pouring emotional support into this person just for them to run back to very same thing that hurt them. I really only heard from them when they wanted a listening ear or a temporary fix of my optimism to feel good. Whenever, I needed them….it was crickets. Damn..Can I enjoy the happy side of you too? It got to the point where I dreaded answering the phone. I felt like a side chick in a relationship. I battled with myself for a long time thinking maybe I was not being very understanding of their personal situation. Maybe, I was demanding a little too much from them. Maybe, I was overreacting. After I set boundaries that I would no longer talk about the situation unless we were discussing a solution…the relationship suffered more. I mean.. what else could I have done?! Situations like these really wear empaths out! Right now, I granting that distance and space they probably just need to grow on their own to keep my own peace.
Just like toxic relationships with partners, some of your friends now need boundaries or the boot. I won’t sit here and flex like I’m cutthroat to completely block a friend off. I’m a lover by nature and I give plentiful of chances. But, I can say I now know how to fall back. In event you ever need me, I’m there! My sanity comes first. What has been your latest troubles with a close friend? How did you handle it? Are you one of many chances? Talk to me!
Ending note! When outside opens again, here’s a few songs me and my friends are going to cut up to in da clubbbbb (currently learning the TikTok moves):
6 thoughts on “Bye Felicia”
I love your point about season friendships. I think it’s hard to move forward because you feel like it was some type of failure but I feel like the truth is that we outgrow people sometimes and that it’s okay! You also make a good point of friendships still being a type of relationship and still needing to be catered to and tended to. We sometimes think our friends are just suppose to play this automatic role in our lives but the thing is we have to be able to communicate what we want that role to look like and how both parties can move forward. SN: I love that Insecure is touching on this topic this season!
Yessss! Friendships can sometimes be deeper than a Romantic relationship 😩😩 Girl I’m 2 whole seasons behind on Insecure 😒
I guess that’s why my sis always tell me “You don’t have any friends”🤣… I learned a loooong time ago… if you’re with me then I’m with you, if you’re not then shhiiiit that’s fine too!!! Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of friends that I consider family at this point but there are some that didn’t make the cut… sorry not sorry. I will always cherish the memories but I love me and my sanity more. You ain’t about to stress me!!!
These mfs will stress ya out just because! Lolll
My sanity comes first, period! I’ll go insane worrying about how someone treated me because I wouldn’t move or act that way. I’ve learned that you can’t compare yourself to other people becuase you’ll be disappointed. I try to address what the issue is before I cut someone off but there’s just some things you don’t do when it comes to friends or family.
Relationships of all kinds are important to our personal growth so I think that over time some are bound to fail while others flourish. Sometimes your memories together outweigh their continued presence.
Good point!!! Memories > Bad presence. I felt that 😩