There’s this thing about me where I feel like I’m always right. I feel my actions are always justified and THATS THAT! The gag is …I’m so full of myself and I needed to be humble. I can get defensive when I feel like I’m being called out on my own bullshit. Just typing this seems weird to be honest. However, I need to see this. I need to feel that my words and actions are not the end-all-be-all. 

Recently, I’ve been thinking & moving differently because I want better outcomes for my life. I was different results. A friend invited me to his church revival and everything the pastor said stuck with me. “You can’t get deep water blessings with a shore mentality”! HELLOOOOO SOMEBODY! I got to dig deeper. I have to see that there isn’t just one perspective on life. This is another reason I’m grateful for my platform. I get to engage with so many individuals and see different outcomes and thought processes.

Changing my mentality and being open to growth has placed me in uncomfortable moments and conversations. I get frustrated with myself a lot. I get discouraged when I feel like I’m not understanding the source of my pain. However, I am accepting the challenge. I am learning how to be a better daughter, friend, partner, and woman..I am realizing that my responses and my actions are not a “One Size Fit All” but I can evolve to handle situations as need be.

One of my newer, forming relationships recently challenged my mind on who I thought I was. For now we will call this person a “friend”. They somewhat called out me out for something I wasn’t doing. I became slight upset because again…Ms. Mamas thinks she’s perfect. It was an uncomfortable conversation but my actions from the conversation is what let me knew I have grown! I handled the situation head-on and communicated properly! Some of y’all reading maybe like…Girl that’s it?! That’s big to me! I can shut down or deflect ..and I didn’t do either. I listened for understanding and not just to respond. Whewwww Chile it was HARD ! YA HEAR ME?!!I listened because I cared and I wanted to elevate. It was at this moment ..I knew I am becoming the woman I am destined to be. 

The crazy part is …everything my friend was saying, I could relate to. I was just too into myself and my head to communicate it properly. I’m so grateful for uncomfortable moments because it has been pushing me to step up. Pushing me to not be afraid of voicing my concerns no matter how I perceive it will go. 

I’ve suddenly become the “transparency” friend amongst my friend group and it’s super hilarious. I appreciate you all for rocking with me and along this journey. 

Special thanks to Freedom in Fragility for bringing me into their ranks to dig deep. Check out Casey’s website as she invites black women to cultivate a space of healing and ending silent suffering.