HAYYYYY Loves! Today, I’m cutting deep about something I’ve been struggling with rather recently… and maybe some of you can relate to my transparency . This one is all about BAWDY. Yesssss, body! *cues Pretty Ricky*
Throughout my school years, I have been rather slim with little to no curves, breast, or hips. Yesss lil’ stringbean! (see below) School has always keep me at a certain weight due to lack of sleep, stress, and poor eating habits. I’m one of those people that can not eat when I’m stressed. Welllllllllllll….after graduating nursing school, ya girl was not stressing anymore over exams, deadlines, or lame group-projects. I have gained what some would call “grown-woman” weight. Honeyyyyyyyyy! Eating my heart desires while traveling with friends, exploring Charleston, and even burning a pot or two myself has been one of my fav predilections.
Y’all, these have been some trying times mentally. Some of my favorite articles of clothing had to be donated or sold. Remember my massive sale on IG last Fall? I even had to be fitted for new bras. Do you know how heart wrenching it is to jump to the moon to get in a pair of jeans that you could fit a few months ago? If not, just stop reading okay. JOKINGGG.
Let me tell you something, depending on my outfit and mood I can go from loving my D-cup breast and size 12 thighs or googling “average cost of Brazilian butt lift with liposuction”. Even looking at throwback photos would send me on an emotional rollercoaster. In this particular photo shoot, I remember cringing when Tyler showed me the previews because I felt I looked so stuffed and gross. Deep down, I knew these thoughts were not healthy at all. Even now, it’s still slightly hard to even look at some of them or I begin to sulk on how I WANT my body to look. The pressure of this era’s slim waist and big booty is draining!
At this point, you’re probably like well why don’t you just lose the weight? It’s a constant battle of starting and stopping. Hating my weight then going hard in the gym just to turn around & feel empowered and love my curves. I’ve done detoxes, cleanses, fasting, insanity exercising , or whatever the kids are doing nowadays! Then pick up some Popeyes when it’s all said and done 🥴🥴. GET ME!!!
Today, I’m at a much better place than before. I’m still critical about certain things but not as critical as I was a few weeks ago. A work in progress! I’m learning that this frustration on how my body looks is rooted in the lack of self-love I had for myself. It’s crazy how we always hear that we need to love ourselves, but not taught on HOW to. I’m working on liberating myself by making more healthy decisions on what I consume, how I think, and what I say about myself. I am definitely not judgemental when it come to surgically altering the physical appearance. However, what’s the point if I’m still not loving and taking care of my body?
I’ve committed myself to working out 3x a week currently. I have no specific goal besides toning. Exercising uplifts me and makes me feel more in control. Shoutout to my virtual trainer, Karla, for motivating and kicking my butt with my workouts!
Whats your thoughts on body positivity? How do you currently about your self-image? Do you have any current body goals? Talk to me!